Friday, December 23, 2011

Holman Christmas Letter

Merry Stinking Christmas From The Holmans

It is December which means it is time for the best of us to write a Christmas letter to a lot of other people in order to make them feel bad for not writing a Christmas letter and sending it to us.  So, this is for all you that do not love us enough to send us a letter.  It is our annual Christmas letter!  This is the first one that we have sent out in 2011, so read it and weep.

This was a long year for the Holmans.  It has almost been 365 days since it started.  Wow!  So much has happened in that time frame…to choose what to report is to choose to influence…how do I influence you? 

I started a diet in January of 2011, and as of now I have lost, (-10) lbs.  I am not that worried though, cuz I still wear the same size socks that I wore in college.

We are now houseless but not homeless.  We finally sold our house in the States.  All we ‘own’ is a 22 year old truck and Bolivian made furniture.  It is weird, but kinda nice to actually not have anything.   

What we have learned from God this year…He has a heart for the poor, we don’t.  Time to change that.

We took time off of our “missionary” lifestyle and took a killer, super, once in a lifetime, make-Christians-sin-with-envy vacation.  We spent some money that I got from an inheritance and took a cruise with all 11 kids plus Grandma and Grandpa.  We also went to Disney World.  It was fun to see how the other 90% live.  Then back to Bolivia where the only cruise is when you have to cruise to the toilet a lot because of amoebas.

Speaking of amoebas, parasites, bugs, and other things that suck the very life out of you…the kids are doing fine.

We are officially out of the diaper phase of life.  We are slow learners, so it took us over 23 years, seriously.  23 years of diapers.  Denise did the math.  That is at least 41,630 diaper changes conseveratively. 

Leaving diapers made us think of teenagers…they whine without the poop.  Anyway, Denise picked up a pencil and told me that we are going to have teenagers in our house for 28 years.  That kinda tops the diaper change stat. 

Now is the part of the letter when I tell you about each kid and what they are doing.  I don’t have time to do that, so let me just sum it up. 

Boys, age 23 to 13, six of them, all alive and making weird noises, and laughing at bodily functions.

Girls, age 12 to 3, five of them, all alive and talking, and screaming out loud when they see new things like jewelry or hair ribbons.

Last Christmas we were in Virginia with a white Christmas. This year we are in Bolivia and it is the summer.  Last year we were in a six bedroom house in the wealthiest county in America.  This year the 11 of us are sharing a three bedroom apartment in the poorest country in the Americas.  Last year people were avoiding us because they were scared we were going to ask them for money.  This year people are asking us for money.  Other than that, things are pretty much the same. 

Love you guys!  Have a great Christmas!

Joe and Denise


Angela Stephenson said...

Thanks for giving me a good laugh tonight with your Christmas letter. I needed it! It was so funny! :))